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How to Show Support Through Pregnancy Loss

pregnancy loss jax, fl | Jax, FL miscarriage | IVF in Jax, FL

1 in 4 Women Will Experience Infant & Pregnancy Loss

At some point in life you’ll find yourself wondering how to support someone you care about whose grieving an infant or pregnancy loss. Perhaps it’s you who’s lost a baby and you’re wondering; what sorts of feelings are normal, and what you should share and expect from others during this time. What happens when someone you know is pregnant and they lose their baby, be it 2 weeks or 30 weeks gestation? Losing one of the greatest gifts anyone can be blessed with hurts. Parents will grieve and they’ll need support whether they say so or not.

Life moves on. Meanwhile, their life seems to stands still.

October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month.

First Coast Doulas supports families as they bring their babies home and many who never get that chance. We receive more messages and phone calls than you could imagine. People reach out for support and to talk about their loss. We talk with them about what they’re experiencing and about being as comfortable as possible through this difficult time. We also discuss what they might expect next and how their loved ones can support them best.

It’s crystal clear that more people want to know how to support those they care about during pregnancy loss, they just aren’t always sure how.

First, you must understand that supporting others through a loss can pull at your heart strings and may feel awkward.

Imagine how hard it must be for them, they’ve lost their baby. We can do hard things. It will feel terrible and may feel awkward, show your support anyway. Don’t avoid the parents, embrace them. Be prepared to support them in a way that is best for them, not always what you might want. Each loss is different, unique, and tragic. Each baby is special.

Be present for them, even in silence.

Words aren’t always necessary. A silent supporter lets the parents talk, cry, or share any range of feelings they’re experiencing without interjecting their own perception or thoughts. You might make her a glass of warm tea and just be there by her side and acknowledge how much it sucks. There is no need to try and cheer her or fix her. Perhaps you stop by and lend a hand to the partner who is out doing some yard work, little to no words are necessary in this arena. Drop a card in the mail and include a gift card for dinner.

How to Show Support Through Pregnancy Loss Jax FL | Newborn Jax FL

Talk about their baby, use their baby’s name.

It doesn’t matter how pregnant she was. This little one means everything to its parents. Ask them if they’ve given their baby a name, even if they didn’t know the sex of their baby a name is beautiful way to honor and remember them. When our grandmothers pass away we talk about them and we use their names. We keep their name and spirit alive that way. You can do the same and the parents may appreciate that someone else remembers their baby too!

Do not expect them to celebrate your pregnancy or birth.

Even if this is your best friend, do not expect anything from her during this time. If she does attend your baby shower or comes by after your baby is born to congratulate you, please acknowledge that you know this is difficult for her and that you love her and appreciate her for sharing in your joy.

Never put a timeline on someone else’s pain.

Everyone grieves in their own time. There are stages of grief and people don’t always move through them on the same timeline, some move forward while others move backward and forward. Please do not impose your own ideas on when someone should be “over it”, parents are never over it. They just learn to cope and deal better as time passes, but the place they prepared in their hearts for their baby or babies will always exist.

Tears are more than okay.

In fact, it may be very helpful for her to know that her baby was important and matters to more than just her. Even if you aren’t familiar with the grief of losing a child yourself, knowing you are grieving for her loss because you care so much for her is touching and it just feels good to be loved. Human kindness and compassion goes a long way.

Help out in whatever way you can, but be understanding if they say no.

Bring food, or go grocery shopping. Prepare some food for the family. You might offer to walk her dog or help by tidying up a little. Doing some laundry, taking kids to practice or to and from school help lighten the load. Another mom shares that her co-worker remembered her favorite dessert and she dropped it by with some coffee.

Don’t question or judge her choices. Trying to conceive, waiting to try, and timing are all very, very personal, especially after pregnancy loss. She will share when she is ready.

Allow her to grieve in any way she may need to and time to talk about her loss when she is ready.

Be kind with your words to all, you never know what others are going through.

Note the date, set reminders on your calendar, send a little gift, card, or even a text each year.

Don’t forget to acknowledge the person’s partner/spouse.

Don’t dismiss someone’s loss because the pregnancy wasn’t planned or because they have other children.

When you are wondering how to show support through pregnancy loss, please avoid anything that starts or includes:

  • Well, at least…
  • Look at it this way…
  • Maybe this pregnancy wasn’t meant to be…
  • God has other plans…

Replace those with:

  • I’m sorry, that sucks…
  • I can see how much you’re hurting…
  • I’ll never understand why babies are taken away…
  • Your hopes and dreams for your baby were crushed, understandably you are disappointed…

We hope this blog is helpful to you and to those you share it with. In the words of Dr. Seuss, “A person is a person, no matter how small!”

Authored by: Elizabeth Luke

Owner and Doula at The Jax Baby Co., LLC

Baby Jax FL | How to Show Support Through Pregnancy Loss

What Do Postpartum Doulas Do?

Postpartum Doulas Jax. FL
www.FirstCoastDoulas.com


What do postpartum doulas do?

Imagine for a few minutes you’ve given birth to your beautiful baby. Your baby is a few hours old. You’re exhausted, hungry for real food, and completely overjoyed with your new tiny bundle of love.

Its two days in now.

You haven’t gotten much sleep at the hospital with all the warm welcomes and nurses massaging your uterus. You and your baby are working hard on feeding, diaper changes, and getting to know each other. You are ready to get back home and rest peacefully together as a new family.

Day three.

You and your baby come home and get settled in, whatever that means to you. More family members stop by with gifts and visit for a short while. Things seem to be overwhelming; you don’t remember the books talking about this part of motherhood. The emotions, the uncertainty, the days seem to all run together now.

It’s becoming more apparent with each passing hour that having someone there to assist you with all the things would be absolutely wonderful right now.

Not just anyone though.

Someone who understands the unique needs of your newborn baby and you, the newly postpartum mother. Someone who believes in your capabilities and instincts and can encourage you and your husband/partner without judgement or their own agenda. Someone there to help you build confidence and keep your sanity, whatever that means to you. Perhaps someone to be your sounding board and shoulder.

That someone is your postpartum doula!

Right about now you’re breathing a sigh of relief knowing your postpartum doula is scheduled to come at the end of the week as your family leaves to go back home to their daily lives.

Postpartum doulas are like comfort food for your soul.

We’re like a warm cup of tea on a dreary day, the very best chocolate cake, and fresh sheets on your bed after a very long week. Postpartum doulas know life will look different from client to client and day to day. We assist with the things that take your focus away from what matters the most to you.

First Coast Doulas postpartum doulas help you enjoy your post-birth experience more! Contact us today!

Star of The Bachelorette Eats Her Placenta! Will You Do the Same?

Star of The Bachelorette Eats Her Placenta, placenta encapsulation jax, fl

Star of The Bachelorette Eats Her Placenta! Will You Do the Same?

Star of The Bachelorette eats her placenta, will you? That’s a question many pregnant moms are asking themselves and each other. Okay, hold on just one minute, first let’s address the verbiage used. And you can say eat, ingest, consume, whatever your preference is just go with it for a few minutes. I encourge you to stay open-minded!

With the recent news of Jillian Harris (stared on The Bachelor & Bachelorette) blogging about her personal experience with placenta encapsulation and Anna Williamson sharing her plans to ingest her placenta I decided now is the perfect time to release the results of the poll First Coast Doulas did earlier this year. We polled 25 people about their personal experience with placenta encapsulation with First Coast Doulas.

 

Star of The Bachelorette Eats Her Placenta jacksonville, FL
Star of The Bachelorette Eats Her Placenta capsules, jax
Star of The Bachelorette Eats Her Placenta jax placenta

I find that this poll and the results are extremely powerful! A win for families!

The only down side to what Jillian mentions in her blog and Anna mentions in her interview is the pickup of their placentas and drop-off of their pills, because again, those are not the standards by which First Coast Doulas or our certifying organization operates. I’m sorry, not sorry. I can’t let you leave here without mentioning it’s simply isn’t the highest standards, but whatev! To each their own?!

There are a few things I often tell people about placenta encapsulation.

First, professional placenta encapsulation with First Coast Doulas is like an insurance policy for after birth. When done properly it can’t hurt you, only help you! You may feel great after birth and in the weeks and months to come, or you may not. There are no do overs, once your placenta is gone, it’s gone!

Secondly, it’s the service everyone is purchasing, but not many people are talking about! Other celebrities have spoken out, and about half of our clients share openly. For every one of them who share though there those who that stay private about it, because let’s face it, who wants to be judged or questioned after they give birth? Noone!

Placenta encapsulation is that little buffer, and who doesn’t need that?!

First Coast Doulas has the highest standards in place for our clients. We’re the very safest in the Jacksonville, FL area and we deliver the best experience, not just a service.

The star of The Bachelorette eats her placenta, and if you are considering the same, or just have questions, contact us today and let us tell you more about this placenta encapsulation!

Star of The Bachelorette Eats Her Placenta jax placenta

 

Lip and Tongue Tie, Breastfeeding, and Circumcision

Lip and Tongue Tie, Breastfeeding, and Circumcision

I often use the term doula and refer to the doula as she, but there are many professional doulas who are men.

 

Lip and Tongue Tie, Breastfeeding, and Circumcision Jacksonville Florida

When couples hire a doula they believe that non-judgmental support comes standard.

However, that is not always the case. Lip and tongue tie, breastfeeding, and circumcision along with vaccines and ear piercing are hot topics that come up often in doula work, but not for the reasons you might think. Parents have questions about these things sometimes, and others know exactly what they want. It’s not the parents of the babies who have issues with these topics most of the time. It’s also not the professional doulas who have an issue with these topics as they relate to their clients. So who then has issues with them? Birth junkies, birth avengers, activists, and intactivists disguising themselves as doulas are the ones who have problems with these topics.

What do those terms mean exactly? Let me give a brief synopsis of each.

Birth junkie: someone who is dependent upon or obsessed with the high they get from being present at births.

The “birth junkies” call themselves this, it’s weird! A birth junkie will do all they can to be fulfilled from your birth, whatever that means to them! They might offer to come to your birth without being asked or paid. A birth junkie might make a couple feel as though they “need” a doula to have a satisfying birth experience. Those birthing without doulas have something to say about that arrogant mindset.

Birth avenger: someone wants to make right (by their terms) the wrongs that were done to them during birth through your birth experience.

A birth avenger has experienced something personally that has affected her deeply. So much so that she’ll do whatever it takes not to let it happen to you. Yikes! Seeing a therapist might be a better option for a birth avenger, bringing her own issue to your birth space seems very selfish and is unprofessional.

Activist: someone who opposes or goes against a choice made by you and your partner or suggested by your provider because an activist believes that by doing so she is rallying for a greater good.

An activist may continue to feed you information on a subject you have already made a decision on, in effort to sway your decision to an “informed” one. She would even go so far to get between you and your partner on the matter. She’d never say it, but she’ll try to make you feel as though she just knows better than you! They’re huge on pushing informed consent and evidenced-based information onto you. They don’t quite know when to back off. Activists think it’s their job to “inform” you of everything, everything you are doing different than she would that is!

Intactivist: a person who participates in an activist group or as an individual for the rights of children to remain genitally intact.

They’re anti-circumcision under all circumstances and even have some irritating words to share about piercing baby girl’s ears, yes even for your child. Funny though, while they are very openly anti-circumcision they seem to be fine with having lip and tongue tie revisions. Revisions consists of a clipping or using a laser to release/cut the frenulum (the bit of tissue holding down the tongue, and with lip tie it connects the lip to the gums at center in front).

So where does First Coast Doulas stand on lip and tongue ties, breastfeeding, and circumcision?

Right where we belong alongside you! Away from those disguising themselves as doulas, supporting you in your choices as new parents! We attune and stay as emotionally connected to our clients as they need during our time working with them. We are not emotionally invested in your choices though, because we are professionals. We know where to find evidence-based information, but won’t cram it down your throats.

We’re not birth junkies, activists, birth avengers, or intactivists. We know that every family has different needs, desires, and circumstances. We respect your decision, always! We are not apologetic for that. In fact isn’t that the way it should be?  We don’t bring our feelings about any of that into your space, ever!

We know that your experience is neither our experience nor our place to inject our feelings, thoughts, or ideas about how we would do things. First Coast Doulas knows that every decision our clients make for themselves and their babies in birth and parenting are made out of love for their children, we support that. Informed or just winging it Love wins!

Pregnancy, birth, and parenting are tough. Making decisions one way or another on lip and tongue tie, breastfeeding, and circumcision and hard ones. Why make it harder than it has to be?

Two questions you can ask when hiring a doula are:

  • What is your philosophy on birth and parenting?
  • What one word describes what you do as a doula?

In addition you could ask more specific questions about topics you want answers on. As they answer tune into their responses and see what your gut instincts tell you!

Hire First Coast Doulas today, skip the drama, and enter parenthood confidently. Get the support you deserve when hiring a doula!

Lip and Tongue Tie, Breastfeeding, and Circumcision Jacksonville Florida

 

Our Fur Baby Died, If I Had a Doula that Day

Our Fur Baby Died, If I Had a Doula that Day

Our Fur Baby Died, If I Had a Doula that Day

Over the years I knew that the day would come we would have to say goodbye to our sweet baby. I knew that his average lifespan was only 10-12 years, but the heart never really prepares for such loss.

It was a long week, one of the longest yet shortest weeks of my life.

He had been sick and the medicines were not helping him improve. His quality of life was poor and it was no way to live. He was our fur baby and he was committed to our family. He was a chocolate Labrador retriever, his name was Bud.

I know many of you are animals lovers and can relate to the love I had for my fur baby! At times he aggravated me, but he filled a space in my heart that will always belong to him. He just knew me and understood me like no human could! He never licked my toes, he moved before my feet touched the floor in the morning and before I could ever raise my voice he would get up and exit the room, somehow he just knew. 

Our fur babies look at us with eyes so innocent and loving that they really our our babies, just like our kids.

He comforted me when my mother died. He made sure no one ever got through our gate without notifying me first. As I labored alone at home for hours with our last child he was my faithful companion. I did hip circles on my birth ball and he lay in front of me, breathing in the other direction as not to aggravate me. He played happily with our children and his tennis ball was all he ever asked for. He was the first to greet me, and the last to want anything other than love from me.

Our fur baby died, if I had a doula that day she would have validated my feelings and reasons for choosing to euthanize him in a more peaceful way. He had congestive heart failure, he wasn’t going to improve. He was old, he lived a great life! It was a Friday, my daughter and I were alone at home Bud. Our boys were in school and my husband at work. If I didn’t take him in he would have suffered a long weekend.

I couldn’t be selfish, but if I only had a doula she could have helped me talk through this.

Our fur baby died, if I had a doula that day she would’ve been in the know. She would’ve provided me with information support and called the vets in town and who offers the best end of life care for pets. She would have taken some final pictures of me, my daughter, and our fur baby. She would have helped me take him for a last swim! She would have reminded me it was o.k to slow down and take my time if I wanted to.

My doula would’ve sat with our five year old daughter in the other room while I held our other baby as he left this world. She would’ve helped our daughter see that just as birth is normal, death is also normal and can supported and cherished.

If I had a doula she would have held my hand as my daughter and I walked through the store to select flowers to decorate his grave. She could’ve phoned my husband to let him know what was going on, he tried hard to make it home, but couldn’t.

She would have handed me tissues and helped my daughter interacted with the cashier instead of me. The stares I received walking through the store were almost too unbearable for me. I rarely cry and when I do it’s not in front of others, but our daughter wanted greatly to select flowers for our fur baby’s grave.

She could have held me as I sobbed uncontrollably after burying him. It would have been nice to have someone bring me a glass of water on that hot day, and reminded me that it was going to be o.k.

I’m also 100% positive that if I wanted educational support she would have led me to unbiased resources and if I didn’t want those she wouldn’t force those upon me. Some people just don’t want the education or research sometimes.

Could I have done this without her? Sure, because I did it without her. But, the day our baby died, if I had a doula not only would I have felt completely supported and loved, but my family would have too!

Promises, Promises in Pregnancy and Birth Support

Promises, Promises

Promises Jacksonville Florida

 

Unlike the lyrics from the 1983 song, Promises, Promises says:

You made me promises promises
Knowing I’d believe
Promises promises
You knew you’d never keep

 

You can absolutely can count on First Coast Doulas to keep their promise to you because we do not make unrealistic promises or guarantees, or feed you false hopes, ever!

 

If you’re interviewing doulas, inquiring about support, or see them post in a group on facebook promising things like:

“I can make sure you get that VBAC!”

“If you want an unmedicated birth, we will make that happen.”

“A cesarean isn’t in the cards for you. I know a great provider who will approve your VBAC”

“I can help you turn your OP (malpositioned) baby.”

“There’s lots we can do to “turn” your baby.”

“I’ll make sure you stay off monitors and walk the halls in labor.”

“If you go to Dr. Miracle for your care you’ll get exactly what you want!”

or anything of the like, please know that these promises give people the wrong idea about what doula support is and ultimately what professional doulas do.

 

It’s the truth! Like it or not!

If you are seeking the support of a professional doula, one who knows and stays within a doulas scope of practice and has ethical doula boundaries and you find a doula making these claims?

Run, Forest run!

Keep scrolling!

Smile, nod, and move right on!

All of these ideas will work!

However, if these things sound great to you, I ask you to take a long, hard look at why they sound promising to you?

What is it you are searching for?

Can you make absolute sure you can follow through on those promise to yourself? What about if an emergency arose or you change your mind in the moment?

NO! 

Then I would heavily suggest not hiring someone who is making these unrealistic promises?

There is no glory in false claims, honesty really is the very best policy!

 

Noone can guarantee you a birth outcome aside from guaranteeing that your baby will be born;

full term, before 42 weeks, vaginal, home birth, safe birth, water birth, fast birth, long birth, unmedicated birth, cesarean birth: yes even cesareans can’t be promised, the mom who was scheduled for her cesarean who went into labor early and by the time she realized it was true labor she was pushing a baby out in the hallway of the hospital can attest to that one!

Shoot, even experienced providers can’t promise you these things. They know the things that can change the tides, and are prepared to see you through those changes with the medical support they provide!

One thing that sets First Coast Doulas apart is this;

We know our scope of practice and understand what it means to be a professional doula. In short our role is to support you.

Not to tell you what is best, but to help you work through things so you can figure out what is best for you.

Not to save you, but to support you through whatever comes your way.

Not to protect you, but to help you feel safer.

Not advocate for you, but to help you feel comfortable enough to have your own voice, even if that means you don’t use it.

And, most certainly not to lie to you! That is not a doula’s role, ever!

We support you in your choices, through whatever comes your way, by addressing your questions with honest answers, not false hope!

We can help you work towards your goals for your birth. We’ll listen and help you map out a plan!

We help you prepare in a way that works best for you! We provide comfort to you and your partner in pregnancy, labor, birth, and even into the postpartum year!

We can support you by helping you have valuable conversations with your provider when things arise that are out of our scope of practice.

We can help you create a memorable experience for your birth, one where you feel supported, period!

We won’t sell anyone an unrealistic dream or promises!

 

A common question we get asked is, “Can you help me get my baby in a better position for labor?”

There is no guarantee that anything you do or anyone else does will “turn” baby. Not your doula, not your provider, not a chiropractor!

Could your provider or chiropractor help your baby turn, yes! There are techniques they can use to help turn your baby!

Will they work?

They may or they may not.

Will baby stay turned?

They may or they may not!

Can First Coast Doulas help turn your baby?

The answer to that is yes and no.

First Coast Doulas are knowledgeable and experienced in gentle exercises that can help make you more comfortable and that may help create space for your baby within the uterus, but we make no promises that it will happen, because we can’t, noone can!

We are skilled in helping you cope if positioning causes issues for you!

 

At First Coast Doulas it is against our personal and professional beliefs to guarantee outcomes outside of absolute, unbiased support and compassionate care.

What you see is what you get, you are not fed false hopes, dreams, or unrealistic promises, promises!

 

Phoenix Family Birth, this agency understands the promise we make as professional doulas!

 

We Won’t Jump Ship If Your Plan Goes To Shit!

We Won’t Jump Ship If Your Plan Goes To Shit!

 We Won’t Jump Ship If Your Plan Goes To Shit

 

 

First Coast Doulas is here to support you in making your dreams come true, but we won’t jump ship if your plan goes to shit! By shit, I don’t mean “shit” at all; I mean the plan or the vision changes course!

As adults we know that life rarely happens just as we envision it.  I think most of us can probably agree that although life can throw us some crazy twists and turns it’s those same life changing spins make it interesting, unique, and fulfilling. It’s through some of the hardest times that we learn how we handle or manage stress and become more flexible. When our plans or vision “goes to shit” we are also made stronger because of our ability to persevere.

Some shit is harder to overcome than others.

Planning or envisioning what we want helps us have a jumping off point!

There you are at the edge of the pool about to dive in, you try and calculate how long it will take you to swim from one end to the other and maybe back again. You plan how many times you’ll resurface for air and then you jump! When you’re under the water you swim towards that goal you envisioned or planned for. Then you resurface and reevaluate where you are. Finally you either move forward with your original plan/goal or with a new plan, or  maybe you just wing it if that feels best to you.

Whether you prefer to plan things out in depth, wing them completely, or a combination of both, First Coast Doulas is cool with that! We support your plans or lack thereof! We know that your birth and parenting choices are just that, yours, not ours! You deserve judgement-free, unwavering support and with First Coast Doulas you get just that!

We have no pre-conceived ideas about what birth or parenting should look like for your family.

You don’t have to feel pressured to create a plan, have to justify why you want what you want, or feel bad for wanting to wing it!

We know life throws curveballs; birth and parenting are no different. We are here to do things your way!

Planning an all-natural birth or envisioning a birth where you just wing it and take it as it comes, we doula that!

Hoping you can have a vaginal birth with a medical induction by (fill in the blank) weeks, or be supported before and after your elected cesarean birth, we doula that too!

Do you know you want to circumcise or leave your baby boy intact, great!

We doula parents, their way!

 

Contact us today, we’d love to get onboard with your dreams! We won’t jump ship if your plan goes to shit!

Never Say These 10 Things to A Mom

Never Say These 10 Things to A Mom

never say these 10 things to a mom jacksonville doula

It happens more times than you might realize, a woman’s feelings are invalidated by other people. When a new mom comes away from her miscarriage, stillbirth, live birth, postpartum, or breastfeeding experience feeling sad, disappointed, hurt, or upset, her feelings are anything but satisfying to her.

Regardless of how she feels her feelings are hers!

This blog is not to point to fingers, or place blame, but rather to raise awareness.

Every one of us is likely guilty of invalidating another person’s feelings, unknowingly or otherwise. I know that before I started my journey in birth work I said something to discredit the way another woman felt about her own experience without even realizing I did it. Luckily she was my dear friend and she was able to communicate that what I said made her feel worse. It helped me reevaluate my words.

How many other times had I done this? 

I am sure that like me, most of you are well meaning individuals. Maybe you, like me experienced a moment of awkward silence and in effort to try and make someone feel better you invalidated their feelings because you didn’t know what else to say, it happens.

It’s time we understand that the awkward silence is o.k. That noone feels more about an experience than the person who experienced it.

I compiled a list of the top 1o most invalidating statements. How many have you said, heard someone say, or never even gave a second thought to?

never say these 10 things to a mom jacksonville doula

Never Say These 10 Things to A Mom:

  1. “All that matters is a healthy baby.”

No, that is not all that matters, knock it off! In the big scheme of things of course a healthy baby are what a mom would say is the pinnacle of importance, but a healthy mom; mind, body, and spirit is very important.

  1. “Well when I ____________”

Stop right there! Yes, your experience is important, but this is about her right now, not you, not me, not anyone else. Her experience is unique no matter how similar anyone else’s is. Telling her about yours when she has opened up about her own can be helpful, but can also take what ownership she had over the experience away. Tread lightly.

  1. “There’s no award for having a baby natural birth!”

Wait just a damn minute! Her goal of having an un-medicated birth is something she set for herself, something of great importance to her; otherwise she wouldn’t have set that goal. Her award is achieving the goals she set for reasons she felt the goal was important. By telling her there is no award you are saying the reasons she set the goal are not important.

  1. If anything you says begins with, “you should or shouldn’t” or “at least”, then you are invalidating her feelings and being unsupportive.

Examples: “at least you had a vaginal birth”, “at least you know what it’s like to be pregnant”, “you can always try again”, “at least you knew adoption was the best choice”, “you shouldn’t worry about that”, ” you have other kids that need you”, “you should be grateful you got your homebirth”.

  1. “Why did you give up on breastfeeding?”

Give up? Are you serious right now? The choice to breastfeed or not is very personal. Some women choose to breastfeed for a week, some for a year, and some for 6 years. Just because she doesn’t breastfeed as long as she set out to originally, or doesn’t breastfeed as long as you think she should doesn’t mean that she gave up. Perhaps there were medical reasons, perhaps there were personal ones, perhaps she changed her mind, and it’s ok. and doesn’t mean gave up! Unless she says she gave up, then she did not give up, she shifted gears!

  1. “So, when you going to have another one?”

Seemingly harmless right?! Tell that to the couple who has been trying to conceive and struggling? Is it really anyone else’s business?

  1. “You have no idea what it’s like.”

No, for you she doesn’t. She knows exactly what it’s like for her though and telling someone they have no idea what it’s like is a bit condescending.

  1. “Sometimes things happen in labor that we don’t like, it is what it is.”

Sometimes things happen that we don’t like. Well, of course, that’s a given, that’s life, that she knows, and she doesn’t need to hear that from anyone. What she experienced could have been very traumatic for her, by her definition, not anyone else’s.

  1. “Some babies don’t want to be born vaginally”

Really? How would you know if her baby wanted to be born vaginal or by cesarean? If it were that simple she would know and plan accordingly wouldn’t she?

  1. “There’s always next time”

No, there will never be a next time. Not for this baby, this birth, this moment, or experience. Never again, this is it. There may be more times, but never this time again. Please try and understand this, honor this, at very least respect it.

In the words of my Doula partner, Heather Horrell, perhaps this might be a better way to respond to a person experiencing grief, “I’m sorry your birth/postpartum didn’t go/isn’t going as planned. I know how important that is to you. What are some parts that you feel were/are good? What are some that are bad and you’d like to process? I’m here to listen and help”.

So whether or not she gave birth vaginally, by cesarean, at home or in the hospital her feelings about her experience matter.

Whether she breastfed for a week, a month, a year or never, her feelings about it matter!

If her baby was carried to full term, born prematurely, miscarried before anyone knew she existed, or adopted, her feelings matter, they are important and are valid.

Nothing we say should be anything less than supportive. Sometimes all a mom needs is someone to just listen in silence. Sometimes all she needs is someone to just hold her and say I’m sorry. Sometimes she needs someone to say what you are feeling sucks, but it’s o.k. to feel that way, your feelings are valid!

 

Your First Dump After Birth

Taking Your First Dump After Birth jacksonville postpartum

Your First Dump After Birth

Hold onto your mesh postpartum panties, “Your First Dump After Birth” isn’t going where you think it is!  The majority of women who’ve given birth have some reservations about the possibility of tearing open their vagina or cesarean incision with that first post-birth bowel movement. That’s another blog for another day!

Today we’ll focus on the hormonal changes that happen after giving birth; the hormonal dump!

Just as hormones change from pre-pregnancy to pregnancy so too do the hormones from pregnancy into the postpartum period. Birth brings with it a multitude of feelings. Some of which are the highest of all highs and other’s are the lowest of all lows.

Taking your first dump after birth is no joke!

It’s pretty common for those closest to the mom to recognize her hormones are shifting. This can also be recognizable to the birth mother herself, either directly or indirectly.  From tears out of nowhere to partial or complete numbness, there’s a wide range of feelings. I’ve even heard moms say things like, I don’t know what I feel, but it’s strange.

There’s no way to be 100% sure that any person will or will not experience some type of postpartum mood issues.

However, there is some evidence that shows there’s an increased risk for developing postpartum troubles for those who’ve had depression, OCD, anxiety, or any type of mood disorders before becoming pregnant or after the birth of a previous baby. The real kicker is that those who have never experienced any issues can still experience trouble after giving birth.

There’s one thing for sure, even the happiest postpartum presents with its own challenges. Women can experience at minimum weepy moments and baby blues. At worst women experience postpartum depression, PTSD, postpartum anxiety, postpartum psychosis, and postpartum obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).

Ask anyone whose ever experienced hormonal imbalances or trouble after birth, and they’ll tell you, it’s intense stuff!

First Coast Doulas knows that mothers can experience feelings of bliss, joy, mood swings, anxiety, irritability, trouble sleeping, and sadness. Moms can be laughing one minute and crying the next. They may also feel overwhelmed or experience loss of appetite, have a hard time bonding with their baby, feel guilty or inadequate. They can have irrational fears and visions as well.

Experiencing any or all of these is not a character flaw or weakness!

Postpartum & Infant Doulas are a great way  to help support

Postpartum Doulas can’t diagnose or treat any illness, but we are trained to recognize early and even late signs of postpartum troubles.  We can help you find professional help when you are ready to seek it!

 

#1 Combat & Ease Discomforts Of the Hormonal Dump with Placenta Encapsulation

Yep, many women who consume their placenta report overall feelings of well-being! “YUCK” you say. Don’t knock it till you try it I say! First Coast Doulas provides the safest, personalized service and support in and around Jacksonville Florida.

They also report-

  • having more energy
  • feeling happier
  • increased breastmilk production
  • faster healing with minimal pain
  • warding off feelings of postpartum depression

Another thing almost all women share with us is that they notice when they forget to take their capsules and their significant others seem to notice as well. Many refer to them as their happy pills!

Combat and ease the discomforts of the hormone dump after birth by hiring a professional postpartum & infant doula.

A doula for after birth is the ticket to your happiest postpartum possible! I say that with confidence! With all the buildup and prep work for birth most of the time the unique challenges of the postpartum time period is forgotten.

In our country we’re expected to bounce back after birth. We (as in the USA in it’s entirty) just doesn’t put a lot of value on the mother-baby-family connection. Neglecting to plan for the fourth trimester and nurture and care for oursleves can cause undue stress and regret to new families.

First Coast Doulas recognizes the need for support during this critical time. Families hiring First Coast Doulas have help recovering after birth, are cared for as they learn and bond with their newborns, and get more rest and sleep. Likewise those who want to get back to living the lifestyle they love have that support too.

  • showering daily (don’t laugh if you don’t have a baby yet the struggle is real)
  • being able to rehash their birth story free from judgement or criticism
  • more time for self-care like massage, manicures, and pedicures
  • date nights or ladies nights more frequently
  • 1 on 1 breastfeeding and formula feeding support
  • enjoying snacks and meals prepped
  • enjoy outings with support and encouragement
  • being connected to someone who is in the know within the community
  • having the newest information on products and guidelines

Ladies, and gentlemen I say to you, don’t neglect to plan for your best postpartum possible! It’s as unique and beautiful as your baby! After all it’s the time when you will actually have your baby here to hold, caress, and start your life together!

Why not make it your best postpartum possible? Get in touch today!

The hormonal dump your body takes after childbirth is normal. The degree to which you experience it and the rate at which you bounce back can vary.  It may or may not effect the way you care for yourself and your baby. The only one that can evaluate you and confirm with you if what you’re experiencing is normal is your healthcare provider, but there is really great news for you and your loved ones! There are two ways you can help to prepare for, ease the discomfort, and combat against the hormonal dump your body takes after birth!