First in a series.

For the last nine years, I have been finding myself saying a variation of the following phrases “Nobody told me blah blah blah” or “I wish someone would have said xyz” or ” I should have known that the floor is the very best place on Earth for poop”.  Alas, as the old adage states: “children don’t come with manuals or guidebooks”. And it’s true. Sort of.

I mean, there’s the “Expecting” series-take from them what you will. Then there are some other pregnancy and parenting books, all of which carry some value, sure. BUT, there isn’t a guidebook to YOUR kids. Or YOUR pregnancy. And, frankly, there never will be!

That said, there are some pretty universal truths that I think get conveniently looked over. Throughout the next few months, or years, or decades, I will haphazardly document these truths and impart my omnipotent wisdom upon you dear readers, in my “Things nobody tells you” series.

To start, (and this is a very trivial bit of knowledge):  NOBODY TOLD ME THAT HALF OF MY LIFE SAVINGS WOULD BE INVESTED IN AN UNGODLY AMOUNT OF TOOTHBRUSHES!

They end up everywhere-the bed, the carpet, the baby’s head, and worst of all, the toilet.

Parenting has one common theme (and I never saw this in print anywhere either, until very recently, so it’s worth repeating). POOP. Everything. Everywhere. All the time.

That’s all I have for now. I have to go wrangle one of my five kids away (or to?) the bathroom.