What’s Left After They’re Gone?
I hope that my readers find solidarity, peace, hope, and excitement in what is to come when your kids have moved out. Whether you are nearing these days or you are many years away still!
I have birthed three kids of my own, okay they were babies when I gave birth, but you get my point! I’ve also cared for my baby brother through his life, until recently.
Occasionally, over the years I thought about the day each of my kids would grow up and move out. I wondered what it would be like. I wondered if they’d stay home a while after high school and attend college. What if they don’t attend college? What if they just go out into the workforce? What if they want to leave home at eighteen and travel the world or move across country straight away? What if they had a baby before they were “ready”?
The thoughts could be worse, right?
Like, what if they ended up on drugs and in jail? Worse still, what if they overdosed and didn’t recover from their addiction? What if they didn’t live to even get the chance to decide to have kids or not? What if they ended up on the streets? What if they didn’t want to be independent and they enjoyed being at home, forever?!
Oh my! Enabling others is one thing I will never do. Personal back story here, but let’s say there are good examples, and examples of who I never want to become!
My heart ached at the thoughts. I would get teary-eyed and at times, admittedly I cried. Then I would laugh and think you’re silly, they’re just ___________ (fill in the blank with babies, kids, teens), you have plenty of time left.
The thoughts would pass almost as quickly as they came.
Honestly, some of those tears were from frustration. My mantra during the teenage years was, “Remember, you will miss these days!” Raising kids, four of them at that, is not for the faint of heart. I assure you as parents we all have melt-downs, I’ve had many. As the kids grew older the challenges grew harder too.
I won’t “warn” you or say the very cliché thing most people say, “You think it’s rough now, just you wait till they’re teenagers!” I’ll just say this, they’re sweet and adorable as babies for a reason; to ensure that cuteness and love is enough to carry us through the teenage years!
Every family presents with its own unique set of challenges. For us I think having three boys with only a two year age difference was a challenge in and of itself.
I believe that there is comfort in not knowing all the things to come, at least for me it was. To tell you the truth if I’d knew what we’d face between the ages of 12 and 16 I probably would’ve ran away, forever! Kidding, I would have come back once the future revealed to me that not one, but all three of my boys would move out in 2015. YEAH! I imagined their stories would be their own, unique as each of them, but NEVER did I imagine they’d all be moving out in the same year.
Imagine for a second the shock I experienced when one of them not only moved out at a very young age, but also got married and moved three states away all within 30 days! Yeah, serious shock to this mama’s heart!
So what’s left after they’re gone?
Well, they’re not really gone; they’re just living their lives. This is the natural progression of things. The life that I gave them was always their own. I taught them important lessons and have learned even more!
Oh boy, tears are flowing heavily from my eyes now, again…
After their hand prints have faded from the walls, the loud, crazy music has silenced and their rooms have emptied I am left with a full heart and memories of three funny, inspiring, rambunctious boys who I hope get to enjoy their health life they have been blessed with.
After running out of hot water in the shower at least twice a week for the last 6 years we now have an extra bathroom that rarely gets used and hot water to spare.
The dryer that use to run nonstop with football and basketball uniforms and dark clothes mixed with lights is now working part-time.
After the airsoft pellets have faded from the yard the indentions in the wooden posts remain for a little while longer.
The largest tree limbs of my only shade tree were hacked, but I look back and laugh at how crazy and determined those boys were!
The dirty shoe marks left on the carpet have all been ripped up now. There has been wood flooring put in. I remember the fun they had skateboarding, riding bikes, playing in the dirt, and running in and out of the house in a hurry to get to the neighbor’s pond to swim!
Our large grocery bill has now shrunk, but I have a hard time cooking for just three of us. We hope to one day feed some little ones from our kitchen and table again!
So what’s left after they’re gone?
Cheers! Toast a glass of wine, a beer, or mocktail, you did it, you survived parenting your kids through their childhood. That is a huge accomplishment in itself.
Hope! There’s hope in knowing we taught them to love with their hearts, to be compassionate of others, but to think clearly with their minds.
Time for ourselves! We have made it all these years, through all kinds of challenges. We have been blessed to come out on the other side of parenting still sane (or with our own new definition of the word)! So there’s time now to do more of the things we sacrificed for the kids!
Trust! Trust that you did the very best you could with the resources you had available to raise your kids. They will make mistakes, they will, but trust that they will be okay, and believe they will do amazing things!
Excitement! I am excited for this new chapter in my life, and equally excited to see what is next for them! Oh the things they will learn and experience next!!
When the nest starts to empty don’t be scared! I hope you take comfort in knowing that many mothers and fathers have walked this path before you and that this is the natural progression of things. Our children will still need us, but in different ways. By grace we have made it this far, we are of the lucky ones!
