Child-Led Approach | Mommy’s Vagina and Daddy’s Rope
There we were, standing nude in the shower and she said, “mommy, I’m glad I have a vagina like you and not a rope like daddy!”
Yeah, that happened. These words spoken by my daughter who was then three years old. What was I to do, naturally I laughed and she laughed, together we had a nice giggle and then I explained, “Mommy has a vagina, like you, and Daddy has a penis, like your brothers. You identified one difference between males and females. There are other differences too.” This conversation was child-led.
She replied with, “I know, you have breasts so you can breastfeed babies!”
Smart child! We were already well into raising three boys when our daughter was born, our youngest son was 10. With them I used the same words I grew up hearing; pee pee, tally-wacker, and balls to describe their genitalia and avoided using the anatomically correct words like penis and testicles, but why?
I had NEVER considered it, I just referred to these anatomical parts by what I always heard them called when I was growing up.
In hindsight introducing them to anatomically correct words and correct terminology at a young age would have been the better choice. Let’s just say child-led would have felt more natural because as the boys grew into young men and “the talks” got even more awkward, I forced myself to “talk” about “it”, you know the “birds and the bees”…
Wait, see their it goes again, the “I’ve always done it that way”vomit!
STOP already!
My point? Let this happen naturally, let your children lead! Talk with your baby as you change their diapers, use the correct terms right from the start. When they become toddlers and they see you nude use correct terms! That time of the month, well let’s just talk about that and not be shameful either! Child-led is way less awkward than having to eventually walk into your preteens room one day and say, “true story let’s talk about STI’s, your penis, vaginas, anal, oral, pregnancy, emotions, mastrubation, etc.!”
As we raise our daughter I have learned that child-led introduction to anatomically correct words and terminology is important.
That open line of communication is important to me because it means I can answer all of her questions honestly! I can be a resource for her as she leads. I can TEACH my child and not have to worry about where she will learn these things, because she is going to learn, about sex, the language, and how she views herself and others she may choose to have sex with.
I want her to feel comfortable talking with us and being able to correctly describe what is happening in, on, and to her own body when she needs to. She deserves to be educated in an age-appropriate manner so she can better understand her body and the body of her sexual partner(s). I want her learning to be child-led natural, truthful, and her knowledge to be empowering for her!!
There is power in knowledge!
So here is a list of some anatomically correct words and terminology we use when talking about our bodies that may be helpful to you and your children;
- penis
- testicles
- vagina
- vulva
- labia
- clitoris
- anus
- breasts
- menstruation
- kissing
- sexual intercourse
- masturbation
- sperm
- semen
- smegma
- orgasm
Here are some ways to get started with child-led body/sex talk:
- Let the introduction be child-led.
- When they ask or touch, or when you touch them to change them or clean them use appropriate, anatomically correct language.
- Before a doctor touches them there should always be some talk.
- Use the correct terms and words, sort of nonchalant, chances are your child won’t scoff at it. If your children are older it may feel a little strange if you haven’t used this child-led approach before, but it’s doable and remember why you set out to have the talks to being with!
- Answer their questions directly, using appropriate terms.
- Don’t drag out the answers giving way more information than they were originally seeking unless you truly sense your child wants to know but is holding back (for older children this may be the case). You know your child best!
- Just do it!
We are invested in our children, how do you want to spend your investment?
