Sharing Your Birth Story Is Important

Sharing your birth story is important. At some point It seems like a favorite pastime for women to chat, and share some laughs. Women seem to share about everything. It should comes as no surprise that one of the topics women share about are their births. Be it a baby shower, a church event, a park bench, or hanging out with friends you’ve likely hear a birth story at some point. Especially if you’ve reached the, “You look like you’re about to pop any day!” stage.

Some stories are told ever so sweetly. Some told as dramatically as words and body language allows for. There are those that are like a nightmare, you know the ones we all wish people wouldn’t share with the pregnant mom who is about to give birth. Then there are those that just swoon you.

We’ve all heard at least one or two. Those stories that grab at your heart and run away with you. The day was complete perfection; birds chirping, not a single thing out of place. From early labor to the depths of transition and right on into pushing the baby out ever so gently, this birth story sounds more like a fairy tale than real life. Their partner took a Daddy Doula Class and they hired photographer to capture these moments in time forever.

Her partner is just all in, fully supportive in every possible way from wiping her forehead to kissing her and slow swaying with her and whispering sweet birth affirmations into her ear. She awed and moaned right through those contractions effortlessly, or so it just seemed.

Then, it happens…

You think to yourself, I want that! I want exactly what she had.

As a professional Doula I am here to tell you that your birth can’t compare to this. I’m sorry, but it cannot. It would be like comparing apples to oranges or grapes or a banana. Because her birth was hers and your birth is yours! Plain and not so simple her journey was very unique and so too shall yours be.

Here’s what you don’t see or hear about.

You don’t hear about those things that were out of place. Those little things she worried about in pregnancy, but she didn’t care about in labor. You don’t know the things she never considered, but then found herself needing or requesting. You can’t feel those intense sensations as she did, you don’t experience the smells or sounds in real time, you don’t feel the love that was surrounding her, and you can’t hear those thoughts of doubts or words of discouragement she make have spoken.

I assure you she worked hard and she put forth intention and the most effort she has ever put forth. Bringing a human into this world whether by cesarean or vaginally, medicated or un-medicated takes preparation and hard work.

Those things were not brought to life because while they happened, they fade away in the beauty of what is really important and what is true perfection to her, this woman’s journey, her birth, her experience as a whole.

Your birth can’t compare because your birth is your own journey. It will unfold perfectly as it was planned for you. It may be exactly as you envisioned it or it could be completely unlike anything you ever expected or wanted, but it is yours!

Let’s embrace one another, our unique journeys and stop comparing our births. Instead of finding differences let’s find similarities while embracing the uniqueness of each.

The next time you hear a horror story or a fairy tale birth come to life know that her story is her own and yours will be your own. Each woman’s journey is her own and your story shall be yours.

As you enter into motherhood for the first time or fifth with expectations know that no matter where your journey takes you it is your own, it is valid, it is magnificent, and your birth can’t compare to anyone else’s and nor should you ever strive for that.

Set yourself up for the best birth possible, whatever that means to you! Hire the providers you want whether it’s providers who respect and support you, or who delivered your last baby, or who you just feel is most qualified. Pick a professional birth Doula who attunes to you and your partner, and photographer whose style you dig. Pack up your essential oils and focal picture, write your birth affirmations, and download your birth playlist, but believe that your birth can’t compare to anyone else’s because it is unique in itself and find your strength in that.