Can My Husband Be My Doula?
“Can my husband be my doula?” The short answer to that question is no, but stay with us and read more to find the beautiful reasons!
Your partner is your numero uno! As you begin the most important experience of your lives together, there will be many things you must work through and trust each other with. Together you’re moving through each week of pregnancy, things are changing, and your hearts’ are preparing a place for your baby.
In preparation one thing you may have considered is the support of a professional doula. You’ve done some research and have heard that hiring the right doula can increase the likelihood that you’ll give birth feeling supported, encouraged, and having your voice heard regardless of what type of birth you are planning for.
You’re sold, but your husband is not.
Perhaps when you’ve presented the idea he’s responded with, “I’ll be your doula!” Your husband likely has his own idea of how he would like the birth to be. It’s true, guys think about the birth too! Two of the biggest concerns husbands have when introduced to the idea of a doula is that the doula may try and to replace them or make decisions for you.
Wrong! The Jax Baby Company team does not make any decisions for you regarding your care.
Doulas are not qualified to do so, ever, under any circumstances. At The Jax Baby Company, we understand the role and scope of the profession. We certainly do not think so much of ourselves to say we can replace your husband or make him feel removed from your birth experience together. In fact, The JBC nurtures your unity!!!
The Jax Baby Company team knows that your husband’s top priority is safety, but he also wants you to look to him for comfort and support. Ten-four! We hear him loud and clear!
This is a great place to stop reading, grab your husband, and finish this blog together. Maybe over dinner or a lunch date!
Husbands I reach out to you!
You’re her confidant and her rock. You’re emotionally and spiritually connected to her, she has chosen to co-create life with Y-O-U! She needs you and you provide her things that no one else could ever provide her!
You know her intimately.
Doulas know birth intimately.
Your wife loves and respects you and your position and would love to have you on board with hiring a doula. She wants support for both of you during the birth of your baby! You know her likes and dislikes and all her little quirks. She loves you so much that she is likely willing to waver in what she feels is the best approach to birth; a professional support person. All in honor of you.
Now she is questioning, “Can my husband be my doula?”
Can you really be professional through an experience that you are emotionally invested in? Can you detach from your own experience and draw collectively from your knowledge base to think one step ahead and support her?
Not really. Not unless you are a doula and this is not your wife and baby!
You want to feel all the feels and you are emotionally invested in this experience. You deserve that and she deserves all of you. This is your day too! When birth is imminent she will need you to be her foundation for strength. What if the strategies you learned in class aren’t coming to the forefront in your mind? First Coast Doulas has you covered!
What about her desires for this birth?
Your wife is about to birth a small human from her body, enter into motherhood, and start an entirely new chapter in her life, with you, her husband. She wants a doula because she wants this to be the very best experience for both of you, not to replace you. No one can do that!
You are her husband, her main support person, but you cannot be her doula.
She wants a doula, whose sole role is constant support, comfort, and a calm presence so the two of you can work through it, together. Her providers and nurses will pop in and out and at minimum have a handful of other patients to care for.
She wants the two of you to get off to a wonderful start caring for your baby. She wants someone to show you the things that you can do to help her and someone to support you both immediately after birth. She doesn’t want the pressure on you to have to do and be all the things.
She wants emotional support, encouragement, and sometimes guidance from a professional who is not part of the health care system. A doula is familiar with birth and understands the physical and emotional aspects. A doula knows what the variations of normal are and what is happening within her laboring body.
Can she do it without a doula? Sure she can, but women who are hiring professional doulas experienced a:
- 14% decrease in the risk of newborns being admitted to a special care nursery
- 34% decrease in the risk of being dissatisfied with the birth experience
Your wife doesn’t want to replace you or waste money on something frivolous.
She wants to invest in an experience with you! She will remember this day for the rest of her life. A trail guide is a valid request when climbing Mount Everest, as is a doula for the birth of your baby.
Trust is one of the most important components in any healthy relationship, especially marriage.
Often times we talk through things until we find a solution. Other times we have to trust that while something may seem crazy in our minds, it can make perfect sense to our spouse. Then because you love each other one decides to just let go and trust the other!
I encourage you to revisit the idea of a doula and trust that your wife knows what she is talking about! Join her this investment. She trusts herself and her judgment. Have some faith in that. Allow her room to move confidently from pregnancy, through labor, and into motherhood while you, her husband, trust in her investment in your future together.