My Baby Hates Me!

You know what stinks? Thinking, “My baby hates me!” There’s an array of feelings that come along with a new baby; one of life’s most challenging and rewarding journeys. From joyful and excited to overwhelmed and terrified. Feelings are feelings and the vast difference a parent feels from one day or moment to the next is completely normal.

Dads, this means you too!

You’re dealing with a unique set of feelings its true!

We commonly hear from fathers who say, “I think my baby hates me!” Even more common, we hear from moms who say, “He’s withdrawn and isn’t bonding with the baby. He expects me to do it all.” Dads expect moms to be tired and emotional as they recover from birth, but most of time neither parent anticipates dad being on the rollercoaster of emotions. Add that to sleep deprivation and boy do we have a lot going on at once.

Have you considered creating a plan with a postpartum doula?

Couples may write off the idea of a postpartum doula. Sure lots of families give birth and get by fine without doulas after birth, but having a professional there to help ease your entire family’s transition just seems to makes sense when you are in the thick of it. Don’t wait! It’s like traveling across town, sure you can get there by foot and it’s great exercise, but taking a car means you’ll arrive more quickly, have more time to do other things (like take a nap), you stay dry, and you can crank up the air conditioner!

Perspective is everything!

Our society put a lot on parents. Many dads are the sole provider and caretaker for their family. This is a sure fire way to lead to burn out. Dads experience emotional, physical, and mental challenges that are taxing and draining as well.

Postpartum Doulas are here for Dads too!

Does your baby seem to only want mom?

Consider this, your baby spent nearly forty weeks + or – in the comfort and peaceful surrounding of his mother’s womb. It’s warm, soothing, dark, and all your baby has ever known. From conception to till the time of birth mom and baby are functioning as one unit. The smell, taste, and sound of his mother’s womb are “safe” and home to him.

Then, one day he comes rushing into the world.

Bright lights, loud sounds, cold, heat, gravity; all completely foreign. In addition to that, hormonal changes are taking place. Baby is born and the most familiar place to a baby is their mama. They are biologically programmed this way. It’s only normal that babies want the comfort and familiarity of their mothers in these early weeks.

Are you doing the best you know how?

Are your intentions good?

Then you are probably doing things beautifully!

In the first day or two of life outside the womb, it’s very normal for babies to sleep, a lot. Biologically this makes sense, so mom and dad can eat and rest after labor and birth. Yes, dads labor too!

Then they begin to wake more to breastfeed and establish their milk supply. Moms look to dad to step in and help out, dads proudly step up, but it’s normal for babies to begin crying shortly after the exchange.

Dads do their best to console their once peaceful newborn and things don’t always go as they thought they would, the books didn’t explain this part. Where are these videos? No one ever tells you about this craziness, or maybe they did and you discounted their experience or brushed it off. Moms grow weary and dads grow worried that they aren’t doing something right, that somehow they may not belong, or they think, “My baby hates me!”

If you’re thinking, “My baby hates me”, have no fear!

Babies cry! Sometimes a lot!

Will your baby ever enjoy daddy time? Yes, absolutely!

Again, I want to reassure you, your baby loves you and will grow to like being with you, and it will actually be fun for you!

Your newborn and his mama are as one as two can be. Your baby is born and is living outside of his mama’s body, but in the early weeks, mom and baby still function as a single unit. It can help to view it this way.

Like an intricate dance, they begin their life together with you right beside them. If separated in these early weeks, even for a short time, or even if only within feet of each other, the single unit becomes two, one who feels lost.

Dad fills a separate role from mom in the early months… and that is the biological norm.

There is beauty in this season!

This too shall pass!

Dad’s role is protector and nurturer. Changing diapers, making phone calls for appointments, making sure mom has what she needs close by, helping to burp the baby, cooking meals, helping with siblings, breaking mom to shower or use the bathroom are all things dads can do in those early months.

The key ingredient is time!

Soon after a baby is born a dad may feel confident, uneasy, full, empty, sleepless, exhausted, and everything in between. As the days’ pass and baby begins to adjust to life outside the womb, milk supply is established, and minimal routines start to take shape, dads gain confidence in ways that are very unique.

One day dad may be caught playing an instrument, signing, or reading to his baby.

Dads may take on the task of bathing and bedtime routine, even waking in the night to feed the baby a bottle so mom never has to wake up. These moments happen, right along with the challenging ones, bonding happens, love happens.

Dads, your babies don’t hate you! They are acting on instincts and they do love you and will grow to love you even more with each passing day.

It’s worth the wait!

Authored by Elizabeth Luke, owner of The Jax Baby Co.