Naturally when you become pregnant, you expect others to be excited too! You expect some phone calls, text messages, even Facebook messages from friends or moms in the same groups. When talking about your upcoming birth, your mother, mother in law, sister, or even your aunt may express their desire to be in the birth room.

One thing you don’t expect, is to be approached, whether in person or via Facebook, by women you’ve never met in person before including random Doulas asking to be at your birth.

Say WHAT?!

Yeah, apparently that’s a real thing and it happens more times than you’d believe.

I have clients tell me about messages they receive from women they don’t even know, asking if they can be at their birth. I’m told that they have been approached at birth centers by women they have only met in passing a few times, who also happen to be Doulas. They ask them if they have a Doula. When clients tell them “yes”, these doulas still proceed to ask if they can attend their birth too, because they love birth so much.

I am perplexed as to why someone, especially someone these women don’t even know, would approach them about attending their births. It has made my clients feel like they were preyed upon. It’s made them uncomfortable. Even more saddening, they feel overwhelmed and guilty to say no. I have had clients who had to block people on Facebook.

Now, I’m not talking about a Doula who chats with a woman to see if she knows what a Doula does and see if she is interested in hiring her. I am talking about a “birth junkie”! Yes, many refer to themselves as birth junkies.

Birth Junkie- Someone who has compulsive or obsessive dependency on attending births.

Now, I love birth just as much as the next person. Okay, maybe more than most-after all, I got into Doula work because I love supporting women, their partners, and their unique journeys-However, I do not consider myself a junkie of any sort. I provide a professional service. I don’t get my kicks attending births; it’ s how I provide for my family. It is my professional business.

I have no problem saying that this behavior is not only viewed as weird and rude by expecting mothers, but that it is downright unacceptable and very, very unprofessional of a Doula!

Birth is an intimate time in a couple’s life, be it at a hospital, birth center, or home. Whether she is planning to be supported by her husband and Doula only, or her entire family (I.e all her sisters and aunts), it’s still a personal and intimate journey. No woman should have to feel bad to say no, or feel pressured into saying yes when she doesn’t want another person there.

This day is hers! Take a step back and think about this: let her approach you, drop a hint, and she’ll let you know if she is receptive to hearing more about you and your work as a doula.

This day should never, ever be about anyone other than her and her partner! (In a circumstance where she is the surrogate mother, that could look a little differently).

Again, this day is hers! Step back! It’s not a day for anyone to come uninvited or unannounced! This day is hers and her wishes should be respected. Period.

For someone to ask a woman if she can attend her birth takes a lot of nerve. But for a Doula to ask a woman to be at her birth, while blatantly disregarding her refusal attempts and not picking up the hints the woman is throwing down, is very, very unprofessional and simply despicable.

Rest assured that with First Coast Doulas you’ll never be preyed upon. Our Doulas are professional and compassionate. We strive to ensure that your birth is all about you…because it is!

Get in touch with us today and receive superior support, only available through First Coast Doulas!