This is the final blog in 6 part blog series Titled; Guilt, Inadequacy, and Insufficient Funds
See bottom of page for details.
“Inadequacy is the arch nemesis of happiness”~Elizabeth Luke
So, I wrote about feelings of guilt and inadequacy in the first five blogs in this series. At times a certain amount of that is normal, but it’s what we do with those feelings that matters. By understanding that we’re human and that we also have needs of our own allows us room to acknowledge those needs and accept them as valid. It allows us room to be better people, better partners, and better parents.
I’ll use showering as an example here.
As a new mom having to choose between feeling guilty for letting you baby cry for a short time while you shower or skipping your shower altogether, is just not fair. It’s not! Yes, your baby wants to be held and desires you close, it’s good for their cognitive development, but showering is important for a new mom, it boosts her moral, helps her feel refreshed, relaxed, and more human-like. Am I right? A quick shower can mean mommy feels better and therefore can mommy better!
You shouldn’t have to choose, but you do and you don’t have to feel guilty either way. The choice is yours and what you do with that choice matters. Know it’s your now, but not your forever and move forward with your decision. There’s light at the end of the tunnel!
Don’t let your guilt make you an enabler to your children. Don’t do them that injustice. We have a responsibility to our children to foster their growth in a positive way, enabling them is not part of that. Meaning guilt is normal, but allowing that guilt to cloud your judgment is in poor taste and can be detrimental.
I’ll give you an example. I truly feel guilty that I was only able to be home with my second son for six weeks after he was born. He doesn’t do as well academically as my oldest son whom I was home with for a full year after birth. Sometimes I blame myself for his academic troubles, but I know that while this may have played a part, it isn’t realistically all my fault, I did the very best I could. I can “should have” all day long, but it wouldn’t move me or my son forward as a people, and so I do not let that guilt make me an enabler to my son.
I know he is capable of so much; he is incredibly smart and funny. I won’t let my guilt lead me to enable him to do less for himself. Will I be here for him, YES! Will I do for him while he isn’t doing for himself, most definitely not!
So, yo, yo, yo, from one mother to another I say;
Start by building a strong foundation, surround yourself with those who want to see you succeed, but have no expectations on what you should do or how you should parent. A professional postpartum Doula is a great way to help you formulate and carry out a postpartum plan and build that strong foundation great parenting is built on.
Our friends at Phoenix Family Birth wrote a great blog about postpartum that includes a postpartum plan printable. For families living in their service area, boy are they lucky! Their compassion and expertise is huge plus for the Phoenix Metro area!
In these times as a new parent, first time or fifth, and an individual aside from that, you do the best you can, you do what you need to do, and understand we are all human and all fall short at times. That is normal, healthy, and o.k.
There is light at the end of the tunnel, finding that light is key! FC Doulas helps our clients find the light, security, confidence, and their own path to birth and parenting!
Focus on your strengths and work on your weaknesses. Doing that will teach your children to do that same, after all they follow our actions way before they do what we say!
Can I get an Amen? Amen!
Feelings of guilt and inadequacy can lead to insufficiency don’t let your strengths, your achievements, and joys be over powered; you are wonderfully made and fully capable of being all that you need to be.
Some days that is the mom who gets a shower, does her makeup, tackles all the laundry, cooks, and has happy babies and husband. Other days that’s the mom who just lies on the floor with her toddler and plays cars while nursing the baby, having never ever brushed her hair and ordering take out!
Love and light to all of you! I hope you enjoyed this blog series and I hope that it leaves you in a better place after having read it. We would love to hear your thoughts and comments leave us a comment below or for more information about our services contact us!
Titles for each blog in the series include;
